Beginning with the End – “Vanderpump Rules”

Season 2 wrapped this past Monday on Bravo.

Season 2 wrapped this past Monday on Bravo.

For my inaugural post, I decided to kick this blog off with a little game. It almost seems a little ironic that my blog begins as a season ends, but I can’t think of a better show to test out my blog than Vanderpump Rules. For those of you who don’t know, Vanderpump Rules is a reality show following the lives of servers, bartenders and managers who work at a restaurant owned by one of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, the sassy, British Lisa Vanderpump. Set in Los Angeles, the show contains plenty of fights, breakups, makeups, and hookups, bringing enough drama to make it the equivalent of Laguna Beach for twenty-somethings. So all I have to do is see if drinking to the drama will get me drunk.

Rules: The type of drinking game I created for this show made the most sense to be based on the events and interactions happening in the show. Those rules are…

Drink every time: someone swears. a verbal/physical fight breaks out (chug until it’s over). But that’s not all. I also made rules based on the mannerisms of the characters. So now, it’s time for introductions.

Lisa – The Boss lisa

Drink every time:

Lisa thinks she’s one of the kids.

Lisa thinks she’s above the drama.

Lisa acts like the mom.

Lisa pretends she actually cares about the business.

 

 

 

 

Stassi – The Main Bitch (in the best sense of the word) stassi

Drink every time:

Stassi manipulates someone (take two drinks for this one because that’s usually the climax of the episode).

Stassi tells someone they’re being stupid.

Stassi tells someone they’re in denial.

Stassi comes up with a creatively violent way she wants to exact revenge (don’t worry it’s all hypothetical, just really entertaining).

 

 

 

Jax – The Villain

jaxDrink every time:

Jax is an ass.

Jax is a moron.

Jax hooks up with  girl (or at least tries to).

Jax says he loves Stassi.

Jax is accused of lying.

Jax is accused of having a mental disorder.

 

 

Kristen – The Worst One

KristenDrink every time:

Kristen doesn’t get it.

Seriously, this is the only rule you need for her because it happens so often.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Scheana – The Frenemy Scheana

Drink every time:

Someone says how much they love Scheana.

Someone says how much they hate Scheana.

Scheana thinks she can sing.

 

 

Results:

The thing I noticed immediately was that I had to take the swearing rule off. I determined what a swear was based on what was bleeped out. If I continued to drink every time the show bleeped for the entire 42 minutes, I would have had to crack open an extra six pack just to keep up. When the fight broke out (and I won’t say with who or what happened in case you guys aren’t caught up), I was too busy reacting to chug. But if I had chugged, it would have been a solid 30-60 seconds of just straight drinking. So A+ for that rule.

EVERY Lisa rule is applicable. Always. Even though she’s never a character with a main plot, she’s always just sort of there either offering advice, telling people to knock it off, or trying to catch up on the gossip. I definitely drank the most from Lisa.

Unfortunately in this episode, Stassi didn’t end up manipulating anyone, which is really pretty rare. She kept planning a crucifixtion (her words, not mine) that never actually came to fruition. Same thing with the violent revenge rule. She just didn’t have one this episode. It’s happened in the past, but I don’t know if it happens often enough for it to remain a rule. She did, however, tell people they were in denial and being stupid pretty much constantly. So that made up for it.

I drank a lot for Jax. I don’t know how fair that is, since he has the most rules. But, the only reason he has so many rules is because they all happen so often. Basically every time Jax says something that makes you respond “What a d*ck,” or “What an idiot,” drink. Which is pretty much always. And since he’s both an ass and a moron, he’s often the topic of everyone else’s conversations or at the center of the drama.

The weird thing about Kristen’s rule was that even though this episode was about her (and the drama she started), she was hardly in it, so I didn’t drink much for her. However, the two scenes she was in definitely contributed significantly to my overall intoxication.

The only reason Scheana’s first two rules didn’t apply in this episode was because Kristen stole her thunder as the central drama for the evening. She did attempt to sing though, so that third rule was definitely worth it.

Drunk-O-Meter: definitely tipsy, but not quite drunk

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