BEER GOGGLES: “Chasing” Shots to Maria Menounos

Screen shot 2014-04-17 at 9.04.21 AMI’m probably going to get a lot of crap for this, considering she’s one alum my school just loves to name-drop, but Maria Menounos’ reality show is beyond irritating.

I decided to sit down and watch it for a couple reasons. First, her career as a television personality is something I aspire to have myself one day. Second, being a high-profile Emerson alum, I felt this was the closest I was ever going to get to picking her brain and figuring out how she got where she is today.

I was sorely disappointed.

I watched the first episode stone sober because I was genuinely interesting in seeing what this show would be like. What I found was an overcompensating attempt to make Maria appear to be this adorable, quirky girl-next-door. I only say attempt because it’s clear that’s what they were trying to do with the editing, but it was the most transparent mask I had ever seen.

Instead, what I saw was a grown woman acting like a selfish spoiled toddler, not yet mature enough to understand that you can’t have things entirely your way 100 percent of the time. I saw a grown woman acting like a moody teenager, still living under the same roof as her parents (not to knock that, to each their own, just don’t expect me to move back in with mine) while rolling her eyes at them and snapping back every time they offered a parental suggestion. I saw a grown woman who focused so intently on herself and her own career that she just assumed her boyfriend of 15 years would take care of the stay-at-home duties, putting his entire career on hold.

So then I decided to drink.

I figured putting on some beer goggles might make this more tolerable. I tend to like people more when I’m drunk in real life, maybe this would work for the edited persona of this alum I feel obligated to admire.

Spoiler: It did not.

The faux-quirkiness became more infuriating. Sitting cross-legged on the floor of her massive walk-in closet to record her confessionals did not seem endearing or relatable, instead the cuteness the producer was going for did not translate. What did translate, however, was how forced it appeared.

I continued to drink.

I became outraged for her poor boyfriend, who gave up everything he aspired to be for her and her career, and now that she’s successful he still can’t pursue his own dream to be a filmmaker because he’s playing househusband. And on top of that, he does so much for her parents, just to make them happy, regardless of whether, say, converting to Greek Orthodox is something he actually wants to do.

In conclusion, blurry beer goggles still let me see very clearly the bossy, selfish, immature side of Maria Menounos that even the most positive editing can’t hide.

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